Monday, September 22, 2008

Ask the Old Codgers

From "The Rev. Ignatius Pubes (Mrs.) O.B.E.'s Cosy Corner," May 1983

Dear Old Codgers,
I am a great fan of Moira Lister. Where did they shoot that lovely film "The Dirty Dozen?"
Mabel Stitchwort, Bishops Stortford

The Old Codgers say:
Oho! You're a card, aren't you Mabel! "The Guns of Navarone" was entirely shot on location in The Pussycat Tea Rooms in Stowmarket.!
Thanks for your letter; a Useless Eustace sink tidy is winging your way!

Dear Old Codgers,
When did they stop stitching cats into the hems of sailors bellbottoms to keep them from flapping about in Church Parade?
Bishop Stortford, Mabels Stitchwort

The Old Codgers say:
You'll be pleased to know, Bishop, that Henry Campell-Bannermann is alive and well and still appearing in pantomime at the North Pier, Rugeley!
Thanks for your letter; you'll soon be receiving a Monty Fresco tooth mug!

Dear Old Codgers,
Is it true that if you put an onion in your sock your gable wall will never fall down?
Monty Shrdlu, Passing Winds

The Old Codgers say:
Well, we're never ones to put too much trust into old wive's tales but the one about her at number fifty-seven could do with the council coming round to sort things out!
Thanks for your letter; Mister Postman will be bringing you your very own pebble-dashed Garth jockstrap!

Do you want to join the hundreds of readers writing in from the four corners of the editor's typewriter. You do? Then send a stamped addressed envelope to: "Dr. Seymour Loonies, Bide-a-Wee, Colney Hatch"


Arija said...

Been bruising through this blog and all I can come up with is: ta very much I've had a lovely time Ducky!

Kevin Musgrove said...

You're very welcome, thanks Arija.

Rabbi Lars Shalom said...

hey rev

Pearl said...

Dear Old Kevin,
I am a great fan of your site.
As an aside, with the cold weather coming and its resultant stress on the car's engine, how many times can I be asked to bring my Layered Taco Dip to the many parties of the holiday season?

Kevin Musgrove said...

Hello Pearl,
Smearing goosefat on the pages that you've read is an excellent way of minimising lost bookmark agony.

Greg Lewis said...

I see a letter here from Monty Shrdlu, of Passing Winds.
Is that the same Monty Shrdlu who used to keep gardens for Major Dipdangle of Small-Colon-on-the-Wode?
If so, would the Codgers kindly ask her if I can have my pruning shears back?

Roberta Fleck said...

I used to be very intimate with one of the Shropshire Shrdlus. Unfortunately, owing to his rather embarrassing speech impediment, that's more than could be said for him - it would have sounded more like this:

Iyooth thoo be vewwy inthimath wthhhh one-ckkkkkkrr off thf schtwopthir schtrdloos

(Try saying that without a heavyduty waterproof...)



Kevin Musgrove said...

Greg: I suspect it is. If so, you should expect same sent under plain wrapper.

Roberta: it's the mouthful of meat pie that does it for some!